I Am Thankful For...

No reviews or swatches or anything of that sort here today. Today is all about family. I just wanted to say what I am thankful this year!

---WARNING--- These stories might be sad (You might want a tissue...maybe. I used almost a whole box while writing it...), but they've brought me to where I am now and they've made me realize what I am thankful for most of all. My family.

Two years ago, this month, my grandmother on my dad's side passed away. I took that harder than I have ever taken anything. I couldn't remember what the last thing I said to her was. I couldn't even really remember the last time I saw her. You might think that she lives far away... but she didn't. When I was a kid I used to go visit her every summer when she lived a couple of hours away. But as I got older I got busy and it wasn't always easy to find time to go visit her. THEN she moved down here, a mere 20 minutes away from me. I was a block away from her multiple times a week but I still didn't visit her as much as I should have. I took one of the best people in my life for granted and I still regret it to this day. It tears me up, way more than it should. I remember the day clearly. I was Christmas shopping at Barnes and Noble on a Sunday afternoon and, as usual, my phone wasn't working right so I didn't get the call telling me that if I wanted to see her before it was too late that I should come now. I had no idea what was going on while I was shopping... then on my drive back I got a text message. I didn't read it until I got home... it said that she had passed away. I was in such a state of shock that I went ahead and went to work that evening. It wasn't until I got home that night that I collapsed into bed and just sobbed. I cried so hard that I didn't even realize I had passed out from exhaustion. I woke up with no voice and a broken heart. To this day, I still cry myself to sleep because of this. Not a day goes by that I don't feel an immense feeling of guilt over all of the things and moments and memories that I took for granted. In my mind I thought that I had plenty of time.

So, I am thankful for the time and memories that I did get to spend with her. I will cherish those moments forever. I like to think I got my crafty side from her. <3 It brought me (temporarily) closer to my father... (Which is a long story that I don't want to get into because I'm out of tissues and it also makes me cry.) I'm thankful for that, too, even though it didn't last.

On to another sad story...
For several years we could see the decline in my Grandaddy's health. He had been taking kidney dialysis for 7 years and it got to the point that it wasn't doing him any good. He went into a nursing rehabilitation center for a few months to get his strength back and then he came home, though he never gained his strength back. In fact, he got much worse. He came home on Memorial Day 2013. It was then that I dove head first into helping him and my grandma. Day in and day out, I was there. From 7 am til 7 pm. I didn't want to leave their side. For one, my Grans couldn't handle this all on her own. Another reason was it brought back the guilt I was feeling over my grandmother's death and my lack of presence in her life. I wasn't doing this because of my guilt... I was doing this because I didn't want to regret these last moments with him even if they were far from pleasant.
A few months in my Grans and I doing home care for him, we finally decided that we couldn't handle this by ourselves. We put him in a different nursing rehabilitation center. After a couple of months there he got really sick and was admitted to the hospital. He never left the hospital. I was there every day all day. I even stayed over night when I could to give Grans and other family members a break. We didn't want him to be alone. During his stay there, Hospice was called in and they did a marvelous job keeping him as comfortable as possible.
I was sitting on his left side and Grans was sitting on his right, his 2 sisters and brother-in-law were sitting at his feet. 4 months and 9 days ago my Grandaddy passed away. I went and made illegible phone calls to family that was on their way or had just left... It didn't matter that they couldn't understand me. They knew. I went back to the room and sunk down onto the floor at the foot of the bed. We all sat there, all of us crying; there was no talking. It was right then that I felt so alone. Everyone had someone they were leaning on and hugging. I was just sitting there silently crying by myself because I didn't have anyone. I walked into the hallway because I couldn't handle it. And through her, bless her heart, my Grans came out and just hugged me so hard. She noticed that I was hurting by myself.

I am thankful that I was able to be there for her and for my Grandaddy when they needed me the most. This tragedy actually brought my family closer together. I am also thankful that my Grans gave her sorrows to God because she has remained SO strong through these last few months. She's such an inspiration.

I know this is starting to get really long. I think I'll make this the Readers Digest Condensed version from here. (It's after 1am on Thanksgiving. I need to go to bed so I can get up early and cook!)

During the time of my grandmother's last days, my aunt (her daughter) was going through chemo for breast cancer. She was almost done with the treatments because she was kicking cancer's butt! This time was so hard on her because of her vulnerable immune system, she wasn't really allowed to go visit her mom in the hospital. But that didn't stop her. I know we all wanted her to keep her distance but at the same time.. it was her mother. How can you not be by her side?? There's so much to this story but I can barely type right now so I'll make a long story short... SHE HAS BEEN CANCER FREE FOR 2 YEARS! Yess!!

I am so very thankful for my aunt Jeannie. She's like a second mom to me. I remember when my cousin told me that she might have cancer.. "This can't be true. She'll be fine!" But it was true. I'm very happy that she IS fine now!

My great grandma... aka Granny...(Grans' mom) will be 93 this New Years Eve! She's been a ball of fire for the past 27 years of my life! Recently there has been such a decline in her ability to get around and her ability to remember anything at all. We all know it's only a matter of time and it scares us to no end.. and we're trying not to dwell on it. But at the same time, we don't want to be blindsided by the inevitable.

I am thankful for the time that we have left with her! We still have a ton of fun on our shopping adventures (Granny, Grans and I) and basically any time we are together. She's funny (even if she's not meaning to be...) and a wonderful person to be around.

So all in all... I am thankful for ALL of my family We've all been through so much together but we're still a strong family. I wish I could delete the terrible times where we thought our lives were crumbling apart but since I can't... I've decided to be thankful for what those tragedies brought to light. We have each other and we have God to bring us through and to bring us together.

I can't wait to spend the day with my family! <3